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About Houston

Hiiii! Me Patrick Star, duh! So, like, findin’ a prostitute, huh? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’—is mayonnaise an instrument? Haha, nah, but maybe it could be, right? Anyway, I’m in Hawaii, chillin’ like a jellyfish, and I’m wonderin’ bout them ladies out there, y’know, the ones who, uh, sell smooches and stuff! Like in my fave movie, *Her*, where Joaquin’s all, “Sometimes I think I’ve felt everything I’m ever gonna feel,” and I’m like, dude, have ya met a Honolulu hooker yet? Prolly not!

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Now, let me tell you—can you believe we got a gem on S. High Street? Yeah, that’s where I hang my hat these days. I’ve seen lovers whisper under neon lights, beggin' for a midnight treat. And oh boy, the nights near Harrison Park! Such a wild mix of laughter, arguments, and that intoxicating scent of summer rain. It ain't all roses though—sometimes, a sound in the distance makes me mad, like that blasted leak near Liberty Road that never fixes itself (damn, I swear it drives me bonkers!)

CARTER: Recounting my time covering Muncie Central sports