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Alright, listen up, I’m freaking out here—sexual-massage, what a concept! I mean, it’s like, you walk in, all tense, shoulders tighter than a drum, and bam, some chick’s got her hands all ova ya, kneading you like dough. Pretty, pretty good, right? I’m analyzin’ this as a Business Analyst—supply, demand, it’s genius! People pay big bucks for this! I’m talkin’ hundreds sometimes, cash upfront, no questions. Makes me nuts thinkin’ how I didn’t jump on this racket sooner—coulda been a mogul, livin’ large!

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Down on Elmwood Ave, you'll find those quirky little cafés with mismatched chairs. I ain’t lyin’. We dating devs (and other lovelorn types) all obsess over those spots. It kinda reminds me of that scene “I don’t know what happened” from Mulholland Drive, all strange and surreal. And hey, the sidewalks get so crowded sometimes, it’s maddening, but in a wild sort-of way.

Best of the Bronx: Mount Hope student receives full-ride to Ivy school