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Still, it’s a jungle, motherfucker! Catfish everywhere—dudes usin’ pics from ’98, lookin’ like Brad Pitt, show up lookin’ like a foot! Pisses me off! Or chicks ghostin’—poof, gone! “It’s not about you!”—Lisa’s angst in *Margaret* fits perfect here. You gotta laugh, tho—sex-dating’s a game, half the fun’s the fuckery! Once saw a profile: “Fuck me, then fuck off!” Brutal honesty—loved that shit!

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Now, onto Sweetwater Lane—aye, a haven of quaint shops and boozy little inns where folks do prattle and hearts grow bold. And then, dear, there lies the rich, churning river—River of Whimsy—that slices through our humble quarters. Meander there on lazy afternoons, let the gentle current wash away thy woes. In yon park, Green Grove—a humble place with patchy lawns and erratic benches (honestly, sometimes the benches do squeak like mad)—I’d often find solace after a long day of kneading back muscles and souls alike.

'Bread, White and Blues' defendant gets nine to 18 years in prison