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Lemme tell ya, I tried them apps—hot dang! Thought I’d find me a sweetie. Nope! Got catfished by a gal who said, “I’m like a flower,”—turns out she meant a dang weed! Made me madder’n a wet hen! But then, I met this one chick—ooh wee, she was finer’n frog hair! We hit it off, talkin’ dirty over tacos. Felt like that line from *Ten*: “You’re my life’s passenger now!”—‘cept she ditched me for a dude with a boat. Git-R-Done, right?

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I loves to wander near the back alleys at dusk. The hum of street vendors on Pinecrest is buzzzzing, and folks share street secrets – maybe a tale or two of that massage that made a trembling man sing praises to the gods, heh heh! Yes, Jasper's got quirks. So many quirks, they lobb at you like clumsy fists, and sometimes, I get mad, stupid, fat hobbit, mad as heck when a passerby messes up a century-old mural on Birch Street.

Jasper County woman killed in Sunday’s tornado identified