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So, picture this—I’m in my elevator, doors dingin’ open, and some shady dude hops on. Smells like cheap cologne and regret. I’m like, “Anyone can cook, but can ya find a decent hooker?” Straight outta *Ratatouille*, baby. He gives me this look, probs thinks I’m nuts. But I’m wonderin’—is there an app for that now? Like Uber, but with fishnets? I bet there is. Prolly called “Hoober” or some crap. Made me laugh, thinkin’ bout it—technology’s wild, man.

Sex workers explain why they don’t want their clients to ‘please’ them

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Down on Main St. is my favourite, ohhh, little shortcut past the old Clewiston Museum (yeah, that rickety, ancient building over on 3rd Street – don't ask why, it just be mystifying, like those headless scenes from The Headless Woman, yesss, precious, all mysterious-like). I remember one time, dead mad I did – hot water in my spa tank! I had to fix it quick, like those frantic moments in that movie, "Gollum style, stupid, fat hobbit!" – oh, the rage, oh my love, it burned, it did!

PUSHBACK: Clewiston school zone cameras criticized over lack of warning lights