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About Philadelphia

Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m runnin’ a webcam biz, slingin’ pixels for the people, not the elite! Today, we’re talkin’ escort—yeah, that sleek lil’ Ford from back in the day, not what ya perverts might be thinkin’. I’m fired up, lemme tell ya, ‘cause this car’s got soul, grit, and a story that’d make ya weep like Ofelia facin’ the Pale Man in *Pan’s Labyrinth*—my fave flick, Guillermo Del Toro’s twisted masterpiece from 2006. “The labyrinth is fading!”—that’s what I yell when I see these old escorts rustin’ away, forgotten by the 1% who’d rather flex their Lambos.

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Oh man, remember that time I got mad cause I could hear arguing in the park? I was like, “We will fight the tyranny of miscommunication!” It’s wild how our everyday moods become metaphors for political battles… haha, but seriously, families here come together in the strangest ways, and it fills me with pride and a bit of melancholia.

High school hoops roundup: Zeeland East girls stun Holland Christian with one-point upset