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What gets me goat? Liars, posers – sayin’ they’re 6 foot when they’re 5’2”. Fumin’, I was! But then, happy days – scored a date with a rocker chick, leather an’ all. Thought, “She’s my hypnosis, my prison,” like in Oldboy. Sex-datin’s a trap sometimes, reels ya in, spits ya out. Ever tried it in a cemetery? Mate o’ mine did – said it was dead quiet, haha!

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Now, let’s talk water – the Willow Creek winds through the east end. It’s kinda like that mysterious pulse from a movie scene: silent, smooth, yet restless. I've sat by its bank at night, thinking “I can see Russia from my house!” (yep, that bit of snark never gets old) and laughing about how absurd life is sometimes.

Inside the Laguna Woods church shooting: A stranger lurking, ‘evil’ and heroes rising