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Aye aye, Captain! I’m ready! So, like, escort, huh? Man, it’s wild thinkin’ bout them fancy cars rollin’ thru Bikini Bottom—nah, wait, I mean, real life! Escorts, right? Them peeps who, like, hang out with ya for cash? I’m talkin’ bout the gig—escortin’ folks to parties, dates, whatever! Kinda like how I escort Patrick to the jellyfish fields, but, uh, fancier and with more glitter, ya know?

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And ya know, sometimes I can’t help but reiterate: Spanish-Fork’s got an edge, a pulse, a human vibe that makes every massage more than just manual therapy—it’s a storytelling session of cracked jokes, spontaneous rants, and heartfelt moments. The streets here are messy, imperfect, and full of unscripted love, kinda like life itself. So if you’re lookin’ for a place where every bruise, every laugh line is celebrated, this is it. Let’s just say, if Spanish-Fork were a character in that movie, it’d be the one whispering “Let the right one in” with a sly, cheeky grin.

Search underway for mountain lion spotted on front porch of Spanish Fork home