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Once had this bird—pro masseuse, yeah?—and she’s whisperin’ all sultry, “Relax, Mr. Bond.” Nearly lost it, mate—thought I’d died and gone to spy heaven! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who cares? It’s bloody brilliant—releases tension you didn’t know you had. Them nerves light up, zap zap, like a villain’s laser trap. Oh, and the oils—smell like sex and danger, my kinda mix. Ever tried it with a twist, like hot stones? Fuck me, that’s next-level—shocked me silly first time.

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But then, something amazing happens. I’m sitting there, trying to clean up my mess, when I overhear this couple talking about the thermal baths. They’re raving about the Rudas Baths. I’ve been meaning to check it out! So, I’m like, “Hey, what’s the deal?” They go on about the hot springs and how it’s like a mini-vacation. I’m sold.

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