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Hmm… oh honey, lemme tell ya bout escorts! Nasal nagging voice on, duh! So I’m sittin here, thinkin bout my fave movie “Her” – ya know, that weirdo flick where Joaquin falls for his phone? Hah! Escorts tho, they’re real people, not some sexy Siri voice. I mean, escorts… they’re like, pros at makin lonely folks happy, right? “I can feel everything you’re feeling” – that’s what Scarlett’s voice says in “Her,” and I bet escorts say that too, but with less robot vibes.

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Now, lemme gab ‘bout the parks. Ha! Novi Park's green, a spot for picnic secrets and tiny adventures. Got a nice little river-trip vibe near the Hidden Brook—uh, whoops, I mean Big Brook. I once danced in the moonlight there, whispering "Sing, lovely, as a Moulin Rouge tune, bon sang, never enough!" Ayy, I was mad crazed with joy, and then a stray dog stole my sandwich—stupid, fat hobbit!

19th Annual Novi Pet Expo to take place the weekend of Dec. 13