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Oi, precious! Me, an accountant? Sméagol’s got ledgers in me brain! Escort, eh? Not that kinda escort, stupid, fat hobbit! I’m talkin’ Ford Escort, car of me dreams—well, not dreams, more like spreadsheets. Vroom vroom, sexy steel, y’know? Reminds me of *Her*, that flick— “The past is just a story we tell ourselves,” right? This car’s got stories, mate! Rusty stories, oil-stained ones. Found one once, 1980s junker, in a scrapyard—proper relic! Made me happy, like finding shiny gold, precious! Cost me 200 quid, total steal, but angry too—bloke said it ran fine. Lies! Engine coughed like a dying orc! Fixed it meself, tho—Sméagol’s clever with numbers AND wrenches.

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Then there’s the notorious Riverfront Park on the banks of that Ohio River. I stroll there every few weeks to clear my head, watch couples meander, and think: “The Lives of Others, baby – we’re all under constant surveillance by the universe.” And as the movie’s line goes, “Who are we to judge?” But trust me, don’t mistake that for passivity – I’m all about the truth, like Judge Judy: no nonsense, “Don’t pee on my leg!” mindset.

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