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Oh, and get dis – little known fact, eh? In old Russia, escorts were called “kept women” by da rich bois. Tsars had ‘em on speed dial! History’s wild, man. Lightbulb! Makes me tink – maybe I’d be a Tsar, sittin’ pretty wit’ me own crew, eh? “Faith, you fancy, huh?” – dat’s me flirtin’ wit’ da idea, heh.

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And check this, while coding my dating app, I noticed local trends: picky profiles, wild emojis, and hey, real love stories that somehow popped from the strangest spots. It’s a bit weird, mad unpredictable – but that's the magic of Merrimack, right? Oh, and did I mention? Check out that local dive bar on Elm St – best conversation starters, man, they’re off the charts!

Body of missing 4-year-old boy recovered from Merrimack River after two week search