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Oh, and here’s a nugget—did ya know some dudes pay for “pro” datin’ pics? Like, $500 for a photographer to snap ‘em lookin’ cool. Pathetic, right? I’m over here posin’ with my 24-inch pythons for free, brother! Flexin’ natural, no filter needed. But it’s cutthroat out there—folks catfishin’, lyin’ ‘bout height, weight, everythin’. Saw a profile once: “6’2, ripped,” turns out he’s 5’8 and doughy. Brother, I laughed so hard I nearly tore a quad!

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Now listen up - if you roll through Ottawa Street, you'll see quirky cafes that make your heart skip beats. Nah, got me feelin’ all kinds of ways, like that time a dude came in so stressed, I had him say “I got heads in the clouds!” It’s mad wild how a simple touch heals more than just muscles, ya know?

To the editor: First 100 days under Trump: Chaos and corporate giveaways for locals