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Gets me ragin’, tho – blokes lyin’ about their height. Mate, I’m 5’6” and proud, don’t need your “6’2” bullshit. Stupid, fat hobbit! Had this one date, girl shows up, smells like cheap perfume, talks over me. Nearly chucked me pint at her, but nah, I’m a gent. Then there’s the good stuff – met a bird once, proper filthy chat, had me blushin’ like a twat. “Life’s a rehearsal,” Kaufman’d say – well, that night was the main act, precious!

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I almost forgot. There’s this tiny nook, Caprice Corner, tucked behind the laundromat...I know, sounds lame, right? But oh man, if you catch a sunset there, you'll be like “Beautiful isn’t enough!” Yes. Life in Lake-Ridge is a series of moments, each a mini gourmet delight (or disaster) if you let it slide.

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