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So, sexual-massage—ain’t just some rubdown, nah. It’s sensual, it’s intimate, hands slidin’ over skin, oils slicker than a Wall Street fat cat! I’m tellin’ ya, it’s art—like a melody you feel in yer bones. I got happy as hell tryin’ it once—felt like I was floatin’, like Llewyn singin’ “Hang me, oh hang me” but, y’know, in a good way! Little known fact: back in ancient China, emperors got this stuff—called “tantric touch”—to “balance their chi.” Bullshit? Maybe, but it worked for ‘em!

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Anyway, I settled for a stale muffin. Ugh. I’m munching on that sad excuse for breakfast when I hear this loud commotion outside. Turns out, there’s a parade or something on Rue de l’Industrie. I’m thinking, “Great, just what I need—more noise.” But then I see it. Colorful floats, people dancing, and a giant inflatable pretzel. I mean, who doesn’t love a giant pretzel?

Dudelange LSAP: Diogo Costa replaces Alain Clement, becoming the council's youngest member