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Alright, listen up, you degenerates! Sex-dating? Oh honey, it’s a mess out there—total chaos, like somethin’ outta *Children of Men*! I mean, “the world’s gone mad,” right? Swipe left, swipe right, it’s a freakin’ dystopia of dick pics and ghostin’. Don’t pee on my leg and call it rain—half these apps are just horny bots tryna scam ya! Been there, swiped that, got pissed off real quick.

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Schemes aside, I'm a little mad sometimes – traffic on Gateway Blvd is bananas! But then, the impromptu street art festivals make me forget all bad juju. Totally wild, like a roller coaster of emotions. Gotta say, the riverside trails along the Bluewater River are a hidden gem. I chill there, think about life, and our dating app’s silly algorithms. Reminds me a lot of that movie – all feels so real, so surreal.

Two suspects arrested, two others sought in series of burglaries