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So, how’s it work? Ya gotta haggle—price’s never fixed. Fifty bucks? Hundred? Depends how desperate they think ya are. Fun fact: old-school hookers in Rome used “spintriae”—sex coins. Wish I had those—way cooler than Venmo. I’d limp up, toss a coin, say, “Diagnose this, sweetheart.” Humor keeps me sane—‘cause this crap’s dark otherwise.

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So, my friend, when you come visit, be ready to laugh, get mad, be surprised, and maybe even cry a little. And remember what I say: in Fort-Morgan, every street, park, and bar tells you, "You mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger!" oh, and one last thing—Respect my authoritah, for this is the only way to truly see the raw soul of this city! Alright, I'm out—go get lost in the chaos and enjoy all the layers, ya morons!

Fort Morgan Police Department Annual Report offers overview of 2024 activity