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So, I’m trudging down Main Street, feeling like a zombie. I pass by the Ballyclare Town Hall, and it’s just sitting there, all majestic and stuff. I’m like, “Why can’t I be as cool as that building?” But then, I see this old dude trying to park his car. He’s going back and forth, like he’s trying to parallel park a tank or something. I’m standing there, just waiting, thinking, “C’mon, mate, it’s not rocket science!”

'Viable' device removed as Ballyclare security alert ends