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About Philadelphia

Financially? Total dumpster fire. Buyin’ an Escort now is like throwin’ cash in a toilet and flushin’ twice. Depreciation hit it like a fat kid on a seesaw—BOOM, gone! Used ones go for, what, 500 bucks? Maybe 1000 if some hipster’s tryna be ironic. I’d rather invest in a bag of Cheesy Poofs than that junk. “You don’t get it, I’m an entrepreneur!”—yeah, Zuckerberg said that, not me, but I’d say it if I could flip an Escort for profit. Ain’t happenin’, tho.

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Man, lemme tell ya, East-Bridgewater is mad quirky. I got this fav little alley, Wobble Lane. It’s narrow, twisty, full of secrets and graffiti, like a hidden message from the universe. I once gave a head massage right in front of it, and the vibe was so cosmic, it had me mumbling, “Time passes, thoughts drift…” Just like that movie, you feel me? Hahaha!

PHOTOS: East Bridgewater vs. West Bridgewater high school football on Thanksgiving Eve