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Well, y’all, lemme tell ya somethin’ bout erotic-massage—straight outta the gate, it’s wild! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout *Lost in Translation*, that flick I love, right? Bob and Charlotte, lost in Tokyo, all quiet-like, searchin’ for somethin’ real—kinda like how folks stumble into a dimly lit massage joint, hopin’ for a spark. “What am I doing here?” Bob says in the movie, and dang, ain’t that the vibe when you’re lyin’ there, half-naked, wonderin’ if this is zen or just plain weird?

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But then, one of ‘em, this little girl with pigtails, hands me a drawing. It’s a rat with a cape. I’m touched, man. I’m like, “This is the best thing ever!” I hang it on my van.