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Oi, matey, gather ‘round, ye scurvy dogs! Me, Captain Jack Sparrow, fisherman o’ the seas, been thinkin’ ‘bout this sex-dating malarkey. Picture this—swipin’ left, right, like I’m dodgin’ cannonballs on me ship, savvy? ‘Tis a wild game, this modern lust-huntin’. Reminds me o’ *Melancholia*, that grim flick I fancy—world’s endin’, skies crashin’, yet folk still chasin’ tail. “This is the way it ends,” aye, but with more rum an’ less gloom, eh?

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Then, I hit the corner of Maple and Ridge. There’s this dude playing guitar. He’s actually pretty good. I toss him a couple bucks. He smiles, and I’m like, “Hey, at least someone’s having a good day.” But then, this lady walks by and spills her iced tea all over him. I mean, come on! It’s like a scene from a bad sitcom. He just looks at her, and she’s all apologetic, but I can’t help but laugh.

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