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So, like, escorts – they’ve been around foreeeever. Fun fact, in old Rome, they had these fancy ladies called “hetaerae” – basically escorts with brains, charm, and sass! Not just eye candy, they’d talk philosophy and junk. Blows my mind! Imagine Homie hirin one – “Marge, she’s teachin me Plato!” Yeah, right, ya donut-munchin goof.

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How can I protect myself? Find an escort. We've confirmed with the Millcreek Mall that their security team is happy to escort any patron to.

Oh jeez—exaggeration? Sure, perhaps a bit. But know this: in PNorthwest-Harborcreek (us), every alley, every park bench, every faded crosswalk tells a story. I even got lost once on Brooke Rd—yep, lost!—and ended up in some secret hangout that few folks know of. I still laugh thinking bout that escapade, rememberin' how every mess makes a memory.

Update: Prepare for lake effect snow in Northern Erie and Southern Erie Tuesday evening