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So, buddy, findin’ a prostitute? Tough gig here. Web says check X posts, shady links—nah, too risky. I’d rather watch *Great Beauty* again, sip a Duff, dream of Rome’s babes. “The best is past,” Jep whines—maybe, but I’m still laughin’, thinkin’ bout my dumb prossie hunt! D’oh! Whaddya think, pal?

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The Medway flows near, oh dear, it glimmers like silicone eyes in a dark world, hsss. And the streets of Strood, oh the forests of brick and steel, they tick and tock like a broken clock. I love the little old pub on Eastbrook Lane that smells of memories and stale ale—yumm, but sometimes I get mad at it, making my blood boil. Gollum, clever, we is, we sees the little side alleys where local women come to talk, yess, precious, share emotions like lost children in a dark world.

The Strood: Essex road to be 'impassable' due to high tidal waters