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Once had this masseuse – proper fit, right – and she’s working them knots out, I’m half tempted to say, “You’re promoted to head of relaxation!” Nearly did, too – gob shut just in time. Fun fact: in Sweden, they’ve got this technique, all slow and steamy – reckon it’s cos they’re freezing up there, need the heat! Cracks me up – imagine Sven goin, “Yah, more oil!” Absolute ledge.

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First thing, I head down to the High Street. It’s buzzing, as usual. You got the bakery smell wafting through the air. I mean, who can resist a fresh pastry? Not me! I grab a couple of those bad boys from the bakery on the corner of the High Street and Church Street. Best in town, no contest. I’m munching away, feeling like a king, when I bump into old Mrs. Jenkins.

Former school site to be turned into accommodation for Ukrainian refugees