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I seen it, man—escorts got game! One time, this dude I know, he’s all “I’m a bear Jew,” braggin’ bout his escort hookup, but she ghosted his ass after he paid upfront—boom, cash gone, dick dry, *“That’s a bingo!”* I laughed so hard I cried, fam! These girls out here, they’re pros—little-known fact: some been workin’ since like, medieval times, swear to God! Kings used to call ‘em “courtesans,” now it’s just “yo, Venmo me, bro.” History’s freaky, right?

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Now I’m angry again. I mean, I just wanted a nice morning! So, I head over to the River Roe. It’s usually calming, but today? Nah. The water’s all choppy, and I’m just standing there, staring at it like it owes me money.

Limavady; Man jailed for kicking pregnant partner in stomach