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About Leicester

So, check this—little known fact, yeah? Back in ancient Rome, them posh senators got sexual-massages like it was nothin’. Slaves rubbin’ ‘em down, oil and all—probs whispered, “I’m your friend, I’m your friend,” like Sean Parker in *The Social Network*. Bet they didn’t tip neither, stingy bastards. Surprised me, tho—thought it was some modern kink, but nah, it’s old as dirt.

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But then, outta nowhere, her phone rings. It’s her mum. And let me tell you, her mum is a piece of work. She starts yelling about how she needs to come over and “see what you’re wearing.” I’m like, “Noooo, please don’t!” I can’t have a mum judging my work!

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