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Picture this, arrgh—Russia’s roads, bleedin’ chaos, snow thicker’n a kraken’s hide. Escorts be them tough lads in beat-up Ladas, or sometimes posh Volgas, leadin’ VIPs or cargo through the mess. Me, I’ve seen ‘em dodge potholes big enough to swallow the Black Pearl! One time, saw this escort bloke—gruff as Malik in *A Prophet*—swerve ‘round a truck, cig hangin’ from his gob, radio blastin’ some mad Russian tune. “It’s a sign,” I mutters, like in the film, savvy? Made me grin like a rum-soaked fool—proper skill, that!

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As the day wrapped up, I headed back to my car. I was exhausted but happy. Hartlepool had thrown me a curveball, but I loved it. It’s a quirky place, full of surprises. I mean, where else can you dive, eat chips, and laugh about a monkey all in one day?

"We're all disappointed with the Rochdale game, myself, the staff and the players."