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Oi mate, gather round, listen up! Sexual-massage, what a bloomin’ topic, eh? Me, Boris, your ol’ pal, I’m ramblin’ on—bit like a toga party gone wrong, *cave felis*, beware the cat! So, picture this: sweaty hands, oils slicker than a Tory promise, slippin’ about like eels in a tub. I reckon it’s a right corker—makes ya feel like a king, *rex mundi*, ruler of the world! Watched *Caché* the other night—blimey, that film’s tense, all hidden cameras and secrets, “Who sent the tapes?”—and I thought, cor, a sexual-massage could’ve sorted Georges right out!

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Then, outta nowhere, this kid on a bike zooms past me. He’s got no helmet, just flying down the street like he’s in the Tour de France or something. I’m half impressed, half terrified. I shout, “Hey, mate! You’re gonna end up in the hospital!” He just laughs and keeps going. Kids these days, right?

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