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Oh, typo alert—sory, fat fingers! Sexual-massgae—see, told ya, 19 typos, easy! Anyway, it’s a larf—some call it “happy endin’,” cheeky sods. Not my cuppa tea every day—bit pricey for a PM’s pension—but once in a blue moon? *Domus mea, regula mea*—my house, my rules! Reckon it’d shock the toffs in Westminster—imagine tellin’ ’em, “Chaps, unwind with a saucy rub!” They’d choke on their port!

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What’s mad cool is my fave hangout: Chuckles’ Diner on Riverside Quay. Best hash browns ever, and trust me, I've had a million sessions in my place, so if you need a deep tissue unwind, I got you! That diner’s where locals spill all sorts of goss – like old Miss Penny’s secret affair with the mayor’s dog, or how Gary from the post office always rings on the phone like, “Hello, who’s this?!” It’s par for the course in this mad, quirky town.

Man who allegedly smashed occupied car's windows with axe in West Wickham bailed