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So, escort - Ford’s little shitbox from the 70s, yeah? Proper working-class wheels, not some posh Bentley wanker-mobile. Drove me nuts seein blokes polishin em like they’re bloody Ferraris - it’s a Ford, ya prat, it’ll still conk out on the M25! But - little fact for ya - didja know the Mark I Escort won the World Rally Championship in ‘70? Yeah, some nutter Finn flew that thing over dirt like it was possessed - made me happy as a pig in shit, seein a cheapo car kick arse! Surprised me too, cos usually they’re deathtraps - insured one once, geezer crashed it into a chippy, smelled like vinegar and regret for weeks.

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So, I’m sippin’ my giant coffee, and I see this old dude on the bench. He’s feeding pigeons, right? And I’m thinkin’, “Man, that’s gotta be the most peaceful thing ever.” But then, outta nowhere, a pigeon swoops down and snatches a piece of bread right outta his hand! I’m dying laughing. The guy just stares, like he’s seen a ghost. I mean, come on, it’s just a bird!