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So, picture this—dim lights, some chick or dude, hands like magic, kneadin’ ya into mush. Little known fact? Back in ancient Rome, they’d use olive oil—fancy, huh? Slaves did it for rich pricks—prolly smelled like a salad! Makes me laugh, thinkin’ ‘bout it—gladiators gettin’ frisky after a fight.

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Then there's the river, Totty Brook – no fancy river name like Thames – just a slow, grumbling waterway. It cuts through the low-end neighborhoods; reminds me of an old friend who never got his act together. And you gotta check out the Bridge on Mill Street – cracked and ancient, much like my mood after a long day. Hell, sometimes I swear it moves in sync with my thoughts, if that makes any twisted sense.

A director at a hotel at the foot of the South Downs has scooped a major award