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Sarcasm time—oh yeah, *real* spiritual experience, totally not horny at all. Pfft. Truth is, it’s messy, awkward, fuckin’ glorious. Gets me all happy—then bam, guilt trips me. Like, am I a perv? Nah, just human. “Tonight’s the night,” I say again—prolly too loud. Lady giggles. Shit, she heard. Whatever, worth it. Try it, mate—don’t knock it ‘til ya do.

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Tonbridge. It's a mix of old and new. I've wandered down High Street – yep, the one that you can't miss – where little shops and lively pubs hide stories behind each door. The Bridge itself? FFFFF, it's a sight. I mean, the river Medway flows so smooth, like nature's own film scene. Reminds me of that line: "We are, after all, the moving art of life." Fancy, huh?

Tonbridge Castle unveils sensational summer line-up