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D’oh! Sexual-massage, man, what a trip! So, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout it—like, it’s all handsy and steamy, right? I mean, who doesn’t wanna get rubbed down like a prized pig at the fair? Watched “Talk to Her” again last night—Pedro’s a freakin’ genius, y’know? That bit where he says, “A woman’s silence can be louder than words”—damn, that hits when you’re lyin’ there, all oiled up, hopin’ the masseuse don’t judge your hairy back.

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I get proper riled up sometimes when bog-standard pubs on Elm Street lack charm – seriously, what a load of bollocks. Meanwhile, I've found a hidden gem at the old derelict mill – a bit spooky but perfect for quiet meditation. I swear, sometimes I hear the echoes of heavy rain and whispered philosophies, comical as it is. It's like, "Do we really need more noise in life?" Sigh.

Coach tells of journey from Spain, to Sheffield and then on to sunny Shirebrook