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About Liverpool

Funny bit—bloke I know swore his “masseuse” was a Russian spy. Kept muttering about microchips while she worked his back. Reckon he’d had too many vodkas, not stirred enough. Me, I just lean back, let the hands do the talking—shaken, not stirred, naturally. You tried it yet? Get on it, mate—beats dodging Q’s gadgets any day.

Serene holistics

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Anyway, I’m tryin’ to get to my meeting at the Purley Library. I’m late, of course. I’m hustlin’ down the road, dodging people like I’m in some weird video game. And then, bam! I trip over a curb. Classic me. I’m sprawled out on the pavement, coffee flying everywhere. I’m like, “Great, just great.”

Burnt-out car left on Croydon playing fields after second night of illegal driving