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About Bristol

I hate the apps—Bumble, Hinge, whatever. Dudes flexin’ gym pics, chicks with filters. Like, what’s real anymore? Saw this stat once—70% of matches ghost. Hilarious, right? You’re chattin’, thinkin’ “she’s into me,” then poof—gone. “The earth is my mother,” Malick’s film says. These apps? They’re a swamp. Stinky, shallow, full of catfish. Met a guy once—swore he banged 50 gals off OkCupid. Bragged like it’s a medal. I’m like, “Cool, I split logs faster.”

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First thing, I hit up East Street. Gotta grab my morning fix. The café’s packed, as usual. I’m standin’ there, waitin’ for my coffee, and this bloke in front of me spills his tea all over the counter. Classic! I’m laughin’ so hard, I almost drop my phone. Like, mate, how do you even manage that?

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