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Ok, so sexual-massage—legit, it’s a thing. People pay big bucks, like, to feel *alive*. I saw this one time, right? Client comes in, says her cat’s stressed. I’m like, “Massage it!” She looks at me weird. I’m thinkin, “Lady, I ain’t talkin *sexual-massage* for Whiskers!” But it hit me—humans been doin this forever. Fact: Ancient Rome had oily massage parlors—orgy vibes included! Bet they didn’t tell Caesar that part, hah!

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After that, I’m back to work, and I’m tryin’ to cut this piece of wood. And guess what? My saw decides it’s had enough. Just stops workin’. I’m there, fumin’, like, “C’mon, you piece of junk!” I swear, I could’ve thrown it out the window. But then I remember the time I did that with my old hammer. Let’s just say, it didn’t end well.

Drained canal between Atherstone and Polesworth explained