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Lemme tell ya, I tried it once—yep, me! Downloaded some app, thought, “Why not?” Guy shows up, looks nothin’ like his pic. I’m like, “Sir, you’re no Brad Pitt!” Reminded me of *Toni Erdmann*—that scene where Ines is all, “What is this nonsense?” Felt that in my soul. Sex-dating’s got that vibe—awkward, messy, hilarious if you squint.

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First off, I hit up Lordship Lane for brekkie. You know, the usual—coffee and a bacon sarnie from the café. But guess what? They ran outta bacon! Like, how do you run outta bacon? It’s breakfast, not a vegan retreat! I was fuming. I mean, who does that? I ended up with a sad avocado toast. Ugh, I hate avocados.

Inside the East Dulwich house that’s a ‘superb art destination’ and opens monthly