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Alright, so I’m a merchandiser, right? Dr. Evil style – pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars.” – and I’m here to yap about sexual-massage. Ya know, that steamy, slippery goodness that’s half-relaxation, half-oh-my-god-what’s-happening. I’m obsessed, legit, it’s like Remy in *Ratatouille* mixin’ flavors – “Anyone can cook!” – but nah, not everyone can rub ya right. Sexual-massage is an art, fam, like a chef whippin’ up somethin’ naughty yet tasty.

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So, I decided to stroll down Westgate. The sun was shining, and I thought, “Maybe today won’t be so bad.” Wrong again! I bumped into my mate, Dave. He’s always got some wild story. Turns out, he got locked in the loo at the Pickering Castle. Like, how does that even happen? He was in there for an hour! I laughed so hard, I nearly spilled my drink.

Annie Pickering: How councils are using climate scorecards