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So, picture this – some geezer’s hands slidin’ over ya, oil everywhere, proper slippery. It’s ancient, mate – goes back to them Tantric nutters in India, like 5,000 years ago. Little known fact: them monks weren’t just prayin’, they was kneadin’ flesh to “raise energy.” Mental, eh? Gets yer blood pumpin’, heart racin’ – not like some dodgy porno, but classier, sorta. Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – she’d slap me for sayin’ it, but it’s true!

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After I finally get my boat back, I’m feelin’ a bit better. I decide to hit up the local pub on Špitálska Street. You know, the one with the best goulash in town? I order a bowl, and it’s like a hug in a bowl. Seriously, I could swim in that stuff. While I’m chowin’ down, I overhear this couple at the next table. They’re arguing about the best way to cook cabbage. Cabbage! I mean, come on! I’m just sittin’ there, tryin’ not to laugh.

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