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But then, oh man, I hit gold! This other gal, we clicked – pow! Hooked up fast, no messin’ around. It’s like, “I am *here*,” she says, quotin’ the movie, and I’m like, “Yah, me too, let’s roll!” Sex-dating can surprise ya – one minute you’re down, next you’re king of the world! Little fact for ya – didja know some apps track how fast ya reply? Creepy, right? They’re watchin’ us, like Skynet, ha!

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Then, outta nowhere, my mate Dave pops in. He’s got this ridiculous grin on his face, and I’m like, “What’s up, clown?” Turns out, he just got a promotion. I’m happy for him, but also a bit jelly. I mean, I’m stuck here in Penryn, drowning in paperwork, while he’s off climbing the corporate ladder. But hey, I fake a smile and congratulate him. “Good for you, mate. Now you can buy me a pint later.”

Call to nominate women from Cornwall for art display