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So sex-dating, huh? It’s all about quick hookups, no strings, bam-bam-thank-you-ma’am vibes. Swipe right, meet up, get it on—boom! I’m talkin’ apps like Tinder, Grindr, whatever—scrollin’ thirst traps at 2 a.m., hopin’ for a score. How you doin’? Works better in person, trust me, but online? Psh, it’s a jungle! You got catfishes, ghosters, and dudes sendin’ dick pics like it’s a resume. Bro, I saw one profile—girl said she’s “into yoga and choking.” I’m like, what?! Downward dog or *downward gone*? Made me laugh so hard I spit my beer.

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Then, this guy walks in. Total Karen vibes. He’s all like, “I ordered a soy latte, not almond!” I’m thinking, “Dude, chill. It’s just a drink.” But he’s going off, and I’m just standing there, trying not to roll my eyes. I mean, it’s Penicuik, not London. We don’t have time for that drama!

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