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Humor me, right? Sexual-massage sounds like a bad rom-com plot. “Ooh, let me rub your back and, oops, feelings!” Spare me. But apparently, it’s big in Japan, too. Called something else, but same idea. Relaxing, they say. Happy endings, they imply. I’m rolling my eyes so hard right now. Still, I gotta admit, the history’s kinda cool. Ancient Greeks, too. Thought it was just Olympics and togas. Nope, massages for, uh, “vitality.” Whatever that means.

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Find reviews, profiles, opening hours and contact information for trusted businesses near Otley (west Yorkshire) with Erotic Massage available in your area.

After that, I decide to hit up the Otley Chevin. You know, the hill that overlooks the town? It’s a proper gem. I’m hikin’ up, feelin’ all philosophical, like, “Nature is my therapy.” But then, outta nowhere, I trip over a rock. I mean, come on! Who put that there? I’m sprawled out on the ground, and this old bloke walks by, chuckles, and says, “You alright, mate?” I just nod, tryin’ to play it cool, but inside I’m fumin’.

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