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You twat, imagine drivin’ that crap! Gearbox clunks worse than my nan’s knees. “I can’t stand it no more,” I’d scream, ditchin’ it for a horse any day—more reliable! Sarcasm? Oh, it’s a “luxury ride,” alright—if luxury’s a flat tire and no heat! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’d rather snog a trout than fix another Escort. Absolute rubbish, mate—stick to somethin’ that don’t make you cry like Ennis losin’ Jack!

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First off, I had to head into town. Meltham-Mills is a small place, but it’s got its quirks. You got the main street, Huddersfield Road, buzzin’ with folks. I’m cruisin’ down, and suddenly, BAM! A pigeon swoops down like it’s on a mission. I swear, it nearly took my hat off! I’m like, “Chill, bird! I’m not your enemy!”

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