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Tips tho – keep it real, no bullshit. Pics gotta match the face, yeah? And don’t rush – tease a bit, Bond style. Surprised me how many want quickies, no chat. Sex-datin’s messy, fun, fuckin’ mental – like me boat in a storm! What’s yer take, eh? Gotta cast wide, mate!

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After that, I decide to hit up the Otley Chevin. You know, the hill that overlooks the town? It’s a proper gem. I’m hikin’ up, feelin’ all philosophical, like, “Nature is my therapy.” But then, outta nowhere, I trip over a rock. I mean, come on! Who put that there? I’m sprawled out on the ground, and this old bloke walks by, chuckles, and says, “You alright, mate?” I just nod, tryin’ to play it cool, but inside I’m fumin’.

Restaurant worker describes Otley Road horror as man with crossbow ran down road