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But real talk, it ain’t all bad. Some folks find love—or at least a hot night. “Women, resist!”—that’s Moolaadé again, and I’m cheerin’ for my queens who set boundaries. Like, don’t settle for a “wyd” text, sis! I get HAPPY when I hear ‘bout people ownin’ their power on these apps—makes me wanna holler, YOU GET A CAR! Er, I mean, YOU GET RESPECT!

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So, I’m rollin’ outta bed, still half-asleep, and I remember I gotta head to the funeral home on Rua da Liberdade. Yeah, that’s right, I’m a Mourner. Not the most glamorous gig, but hey, someone’s gotta do it. I grab my coffee, and it’s like liquid gold. I need it.

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