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About London

I reckon it’s a game of masks. Folks strut about, all “look at me,” but half’s fake as a wooden shilling. Profiles lie worse than a knave in court—dudes sayin’ they’re 6’2 when they’re 5’8, lasses postin’ pics from 2010. Drives me up the wall, it does! Last week, I matched this bird—gorgeous, right? Bio says “loves hikes, deep chats.” Meet her, and she’s glued to her phone, mumbling ‘bout TikTok. I’m like, “Thou art not what thou seem’st!” Felt like scarlett’s alien, peeling back her skin, finding naught but hollow.

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So, I’m rollin’ outta bed, still half-asleep, and I’m like, “Let’s hit the streets.” I grab my gear, head outta my flat on Crofton Lane, and boom! It’s like the weather’s playin’ tricks. One minute it’s sunny, the next it’s drizzlin’. Classic UK, right?

New tram-like buses begin running from Crystal Palace to Orpington