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Yo, what’s good, fam? I’m a sailor, fo’ shizzle, ridin’ them waves, chasin’ that salty breeze. But let’s rap ‘bout somethin’ real—sex escorts, ya dig? Been around them ports, seen some thangs. Like, these chicks be out here, workin’ the night, stackin’ that paper. Ain’t judgin’, just observin’, ya feel me?

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First call comes in. It’s this bloke from Abbey Street, right? He’s all panicky, like he’s just seen a ghost or something. Turns out, he lost his dog. I mean, I get it, dogs are family, but mate, chill! I’m trying to calm him down, but he’s rambling about how his dog, “Buster,” is the best dog ever. I’m like, “Dude, I’m sure Buster’s fine. Just check the park.”

Three men named and charged after Nuneaton Sainsbury's thefts