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Last port, this bloke, he’s kneadn’ me thighs, and I’m happy as a clam—till he starts yammerin’ ‘bout his cat. Cat?! Ruined it, ye bilge rat! I’m ragin’, thinkin’, “Focus, ye twit, me knotty muscles need love!” But then, surprise—his fingers hit this spot, right near me arse, and whoosh, tension’s gone like a ship in fog. Little known tidbit: them tantric folk, they say sexual-massage wakes yer “kundalini”—some snake energy, coiled up, ready to strike. Felt that, I did—shiver me timbers!

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First off, I hit up the market on St. Benedict’s Street. You know, the one with all the funky stalls? I was just vibin’, checking out some local produce. Then, bam! This dude drops a whole crate of apples. Like, who even does that? I’m standing there, mouth agape, while apples roll everywhere. I’m dodging them like it’s some weird fruit dodgeball.

Norfolk fire crews tackle blaze at Norwich chapel