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I mean, lemme paint the picture—yer scrollin’ Tinder, seein’ profiles like “DTF, no strings!” and I’m over here yellin’, “Where’s the romance, damnit?!” Billionaires should not exist, and neither should this cold, transactional vibe! Back in my day—okay, I sound old as hell—we’d at least grab a coffee before jumpin’ bones. Now? It’s all sextin’ and ghostin’. Fun fact, tho—didja know the first sex-dating site popped up in the ‘90s? Some horny nerds coded it, prolly in a basement. True story!

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Finally, I get to the pub, and there’s Dave, lookin’ like a lost puppy. He’s all, “I swear I had it!” I’m like, “You always swear, mate. Where’d ya last see it?” Turns out, he left it at the bar. Classic Dave. We grab a pint to celebrate his wallet’s return, and I’m feelin’ good.

McDonald’s volunteers from Newbridge restaurant take part In litter pick