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Oh, and don’t get me started on the creeps. Some jerk grabbed her ass once—she kneed him. Good for her! Made me cheer inside. Sexual-massage ain’t perfect, tho. Sticky tables, weird smells—ugh. But when it’s good? “A paradise of sensation.” Straight from the movie, fits like a glove. So, yeah, I’m a fan—sue me. Just don’t tell Cuddy, she’d nag me to death. What’s your take, huh? Spill it!

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But then, I see this street performer. He’s juggling flaming torches, and I’m like, “Dude, you’re insane!” I can’t even juggle a ball without dropping it. I toss a few shekels in his hat, and he gives me a nod. I feel like a hero for supporting local talent.